Groupon PoopOn

Who doesn’t want $60 for $30?  That’s free money.  It’s better than going out on a date, because this way I don’t have to put out.  But damned if any of the Groupons I did turned out like that.

First try at a Groupon was about a year ago, for a Chinese place that I hadn’t gone to awhile because they were overpriced and had gotten a little nasty.  But the Groupon said it was for double the money and that sounded like a good deal to me.  Looking at their website, I confirmed they had an “all you can eat crab” option for a little more, so basically the Groupon would cover the meal + the crab.  I checked their website to be sure, saw they still had crab offer and then ordered the Groupon.  Happy Dance!

But at the restaurant they told me, “No! No! No Crab anymore!”  When I went home I checked their website again, and they’d changed it after they sold the freakin’ Groupons!  Dayumn!

Strike 1 for Groupon.

I’m a forgiving kind of gal, so when I saw a Groupon for this chic  Mongolian restaurant where you take fresh ingredients, put them in a bowl and they stir fry them for you, they’d hooked me again.  They even described filling your bowl and getting it stir-fried on the the Groupon page.  Turned out though that people with Groupons don’t get to do the bowl shit.  They made up a special menu for Groupon people with prices 3 times the regular prices.

Strike 2 for Groupon.

It looks better online!

Then my next attempt was for a wash and wax on my car at a super-duper-Groupon price.  But after they got the money, bastards get saying they didn’t have the time on their schedule to come out and wash my freakin’ car.

Strike 3 for Groupon.

Now before you call me a sucker,  I have to let you know I”m a tough Bitch.  So you should know each time the Groupon turned out to be phoney, I called them on it and kept getting Groupon bucks back on my account.

So with the boo·koo-Groupon bucks I had in credit, I thought I’d give it one more shot.

A Groupon popped up for an “All you can Eat Crab” place so I thought I could finally get the crab I was owed.  Do I need to tell you what happened?   The Crab Special wasn’t included in the Groupon deal.  But you could get a “special. ” They had the same kind of “special” that the Mongolian place had — you could buy off the menu where they’d tripled the prices.

Strike 4 for Groupon.  Groupon you’re out + 1.

Anyone want some Groupon bucks?  I’ll make you a deal.